[The Pastor Who Regards Salvation a Mere Accessory]
Pastor Nam, Kiyoon (Head Pastor of Paju Hope Church)
Genesis 37:23-36
In the latest Bathhouse Seminar for ministers, Pastor Kim commented in passing that 'this generations pastors seem to think of salvation as some mere accessory'. It spoke to me disproportionately.
I came across the QT Seminar when I considered salvation some accessory.
The ornate robe in verse 23 would have been large enough to drag on the floor and the sleeves would have covered the fingers. Compared to the practical overcoats worn by the nomads of the time, which had shorter length and sleeves, such ornate robes were donned by the nobility and royalty. Josephs brothers first strip him of the clothes and throw him into a cistern. Here the original word for 'strip', 'pashat' has the meaning 'charge', 'invade'. Had I not started QT ministry, I would not have realized I was the person pillaging and wearing Josephs ornate robe. I claimed it was all for salvation, but in reality, I was chasing the ornate robe of a successful ministry, recognition as a pastor, growing numbers. That was my purpose in life. I came to understand I had hurled salvation into a cistern, sold it off to Ishmaelites, and regarded it as an accessory. In verse 30, Reuben, unable to find Joseph, says, 'Where can I turn now?' Having relegated salvation to the sidelines, there were no emotional moments, no joy, and no liberation. And it was when I could not see the light nor the path, that I found the QT ministry and your confessions of failure, dismay, sin, trial, and scars. Receiving THINK nourishment, I realized I had lived trying to fill my empty boat with a prospering ministry, but the Lord met me in the empty boat. As I went from a pastor wielding the Word against the congregation to understanding the Word was directed to me, my sins became apparent. And when I admitted my sins, God let me interpret all the painful and resentful events of my life as events that had to pass.
The seventh seminar in 2017 was my introduction to it, and I have since been a part of six with four tours of the THINK nourishment course. People around me ask, 'Why do you serve a QT ministry?' My answer to that is it is the right thing to do. My major in sinning is managing the toil factory built on the fantasy of ministerial success at full capacity. For the first eighteen memberless months after founding a church, financial troubles and a family of four meant I had to succeed. The conclusion of my distorted diligence was exhaustion and panic attacks.
Since starting QT ministry, practicing faith has become simple and clear. I believe standing before God, the Word, is leading the best life. In Mark chapter 1 verse 35 it is written, 'Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.' He asked God where to go and what to do. As in John chapter 17 verse 4, Gods directions became Jesuss work. Whatever God asks of Jesus becomes his methodology. In this way, we live the best and greatest life when we live each day by the Word. The result will be John chapter 8 verse 29: God wishes to be with us, for which we must hold on to the Word.
Our church established a culture of QT through a twenty-one day early morning QT course. People would be matched one on one to share their meditation, switching partners every week. We also have a slogan, 'Hold on, what did todays text say?', through which we recall the contents of the days QT to interpret and react to the events in our lives. A member of our youth has termed it 'hold on training'. Last summer, I received an urgent message from a missionary family dispatched to Myanmar. It read that the coronavirus and civil war made the situation dire, so they had traveled to the airport. As it became apparent the missionary was asking for advice on whether to return to Korea, I began with 'Hold on, what did todays text say?' The text, Acts 14 chapter 1 verses 1-18, was given under the title 'Accepting Opposition as Part of Daily Life Through the Power of the Holy Spirit'. It is easy to capitulate in the face of adversity when emotions, reality, and circumstances take control. But when the Word and the Holy Spirit are behind the wheel, various obstacles become mere features of life allowing us to stay by authority of the Holy Spirit. I said as much to the missionary, who returned to his post replying, 'I will obey in faith that God, who lives and is the Word, will be with us.' In such ways, 'hold on training' has been affecting much grace in our community.
I am currently the father of four. I lost a four year old son to a traffic accident when I was still a junior pastor. I backed down from the ministry, and participated in Discipleship Training School from University of Nations. On one day, confronted with my unrelenting spite towards God, I was taking a walk in the nearby woods when God asked in a gentle and warm voice, 'Does it hurt?' I lashed out that he would not know my pain. To which he replied, 'Kiyoon, at least you did not have to kill your own son? Do you know the pain of killing your own son?' I understood, then, how he must have felt letting his son die, despite having all the power to save him, to save you and me. I cried for a long time in those woods. I repent hurling salvation into a ditch, preoccupied with the various ornate robes and ministerial success. I pray that we turn away from the ornate robes of money, success, and stability to share our trials and scars to heal and save as Gods people.
