Revelation 6. Broken Peace

The second horseman on the fiery red horse takes away peace. I didnamprsquot know I had peace until I started my graduate courses. After just one week of classes, my initial response to the readings and assignments is to scream that I canamprsquot do it! What I thought were overfull days just got more added to them.

Although my coughing illness during the summer was not peaceful, I had more available time than I do now, partly because I wasnamprsquot doing QT. When I repented and returned to doing my daily QT, I still had time for things as well as peace because I got better and stopped coughing. The first month of school was busy but good, and going to mokjang and all day Sunday activities had much of Godamprsquos peace.

God gave me this PhD to finish for many reasons, some of which I may never know but others Iamprsquom beginning to. The first is an attitude adjustment. I thought I was pretty busy before in just managing to make the ends of time meet, but it seems I was wrong. Since God gave me this extra work, there must be time in my schedule that I didnamprsquot see, and whatever time there is it must be enough to do the work.

Because I spent months thinking there isnamprsquot enough time, I lost my peace because my attitude was one of self-dependence rather than God-dependence. I needed my dependence on God to go up a level to find the time, the energy, and guidance.

Iamprsquove noticed in just a week that I canamprsquot afford to squander even fifteen minutes on looking at the sports news because thatamprsquos fifteen minutes of reading that I steal from a project God gave me, which involves a ton of reading. What I find myself trusting God to do is make me faster in my writing. I donamprsquot have time to hesitate or reflect on what I write as Iamprsquom writing. Iamprsquom having to admit that I wasnamprsquot as efficient as I thought I was in how I wrote.

What is disturbing to me is that I needed my peace broken because it was nominal. I needed another hardship to grow my faith and find Godamprsquos peace, not mine. I needed a new repentance.

Application: Lean on the Lord to finish my essay tonight and still have time to sleep.

Lord, let me not chase my peace but welcome your messenger who takes that peace so that I am open to yours.