Today’s passage is 1 Timothy 3:8-16. As with the church leaders, Paul instructs Timothy in the behavior of the deacons in the church, the household of God. They must live honest, sober lives, not be greedy, hold to the truths of the faith, and be tested in order to serve. They must have respectful wives, be faithful to them, and manage their children well. Through this they will gain respect and grow in faith. Jesus is the mystery of godliness.
(8-12) How does your behavior towards your family reflect your faith and trust in the principles of the church?
(10) How are you handling your testing?
(15) Do you accept the truth that the fulfillment of your church responsibilities is in keeping with the fulfillment of your family duties?
Testing
I like simple tests of knowledge and physical skills because I like to measure myself against standards.
When I was a boy I was on a swim team and competed at a high level.
I loved winning.
As a student, I liked tests in the subjects I did well in but I hated the tests in the subjects I struggled in.
As a teacher, I enjoyed giving tests to my students. I like them when they show me I’m good or growing, but I hate them when they show me I’m failing.
I tend to feel that tests that show my excellencies are great while those that show my deficiencies are unfair.
This is because my pride insists that I’m always good and above average. Overall though, I think tests are important because they help me know who I am, they help define me for myself whatever the results.
Before I came to Wooridle I repeatedly failed the test of life.
I was book-smart and body-smart but life-stupid.
I was a family failure. I was a husband failure, a father failure and a head-of-household failure.
Unlike school and unlike the swimming pool, there did not seem to be any clear cut rules of how to be a winner, how to be a good man, a good husband, a good father.
There are, of course, but I didn’t want to see them because I believed people were naturally good, smart or skilled.
I believed this because I was a natural swimmer and with very little effort became a champion.
The same was true in school. I was smart and my sister wasn’t. Our marks proved it.
To believe the opposite, that I could change, that I could win at the life I was failing, meant I needed to change my belief and change my attitude.
I would have to find the rules of life, follow them and work at consistency, constantly monitor myself and not give up. It wasn’t natural.
It all sounds so simple now but it wasn’t for most of my life. I didn’t follow the rules of marriage.
I committed adultery with a married woman, causing a divorce and then married that woman. I thought the feeling of love and the desire for personal happiness bypassed the rules.
I thought going to grad school was more important than a job to support my wife and children. T
he poverty and suffering that ensued showed me otherwise. But in that suffering I met Jesus and began to learn the rules of living a godly life. However, I didn’t follow them consistently nor with heartfelt dedication.
I didn’t see the primacy of my relationship with God affected everything else.
My sins and behavior led to another bout of suffering and poverty brought on by another act of adultery, this time against my dying, alcoholic wife.
This time God threw me down to the bottom of financial, social and career ruin.
When, after nearly seven years of anger at the Lord and everyone else, blaming them for my failed circumstances, God guided me to Wooridle to learn the rules of life, go through a lot testing, see my sins and see I was the one to blame in every instance. This time my testing is with the support of a church full of people growing in godliness through testing too!
God made me an overseer in our church, as Paul describes in the first part of chapter 3, but always I am a deacon too, facing my sins, repenting and keeping my face on Jesus. Wooridle has only four formal tests we need to go through: 1 to 1 training, 1 to 1 teacher training, and yaymo 1 and 2. Our ongoing tests are regular Sunday and Wednesday worship, mokjang and daily QT and interpreting our life through them.
The rules for living are in the gospels and the letters. That’s what I’ve learned very late in my life, God be praised!
My repentance is in the test of caring for my small group members whose marriages are full of trouble and full of endless blame on each other, insisting that their spouse change but not them, that they want to be happy and not in a time of testing and suffering, that they don’t want to see the rules of conduct any more than I did.
The real test is Jesus.
Do I believe he is my Savior?
Do I believe he is my Lord?
Do I believe that his suffering on the cross in the face of mockery and doubt and excruciating pain is greater than anything I’m suffering?
Do I believe he endured all that for me because he loves me?
Do I pray for his endurance in my time of testing, to love with his love?
Do I see, really see, that I am a sinner and I can change only through the grace of God?
Do I see that my primary relationship is with God, not my spouse or my children?
Do I see that when my relationship with God is growing, the others will grow too?
The test and the mystery is Jesus.
Application: continue the care of my suffering group members, receive their calls, visit them.
Lord, give me your love and your wisdom to see others as you want me to see them. Inspire me with your Spirit to have the strength to carry on.
