Today’s passage is Genesis 32:13-20. Jacob recalls God’s promise of innumerable descendants when he was at this place 20 years ago. He makes herds of goats, sheep, camels, cattle and donkeys as gifts to Esau. He sends them at intervals, telling the herdsmen to say they are gifts from Jacob who will soon be following.
How have you divided yourself out of fear?
Do you say you trust God but then try to control events yourself?
When you give a gift, do you count the cost?
Today is my sister’s birthday.
I called her even though it’s not yet her birthday in Canada because she’s half a day behind.
I called her because I know she will feel unloved if I don’t.
So I call her partly out of fear of hurting her feelings.
Anniversary dates are important to her but not to me. I’m grateful for electronic calendars to alert me.
My sister is a nurse and works shifts.
When she is on night shift like this week she doesn’t answer her phone.
So I left a message and said I would take her birthday gift when I go to Canada.
Like remembering her birthday, I have to give her a gift. Going to dinner is not enough. She has to have a physical gift. Flowers are okay.
Like Jacob in today’s passage, I am troubled by gifts.
What do I get? How much do I spend?
I have to be careful because my sister is a veteran shopper.
She knows the price of everything and rarely buys anything not on sale.
I’m grateful I’m in Korea because she doesn’t know the price of things here!
I count the cost of gifts to her because I know she will try to equal the value of her gift to me. It’s sad.
Because she has better taste than I do, I encourage her to buy me clothes, which are always on sale too, so I know she won’t have to spend a lot.
If you see me wearing anything that seems to suit me well, it’s likely because she bought it.
I want to give gifts with a sincere and generous heart, but I’m torn in two because of my fear.
If I forget to give a gift, I will feel guilty and I may be chastised.
If I buy an expensive gift, I may selfishly miss the money I spent.
Also, I will feel guilty when an expensive gift comes to me as a reciprocation.
Gifts disturb my mind and spirit, just like Jacob today who further divides his herds already divided in half, one half sent away in case Esau attacks.
Then he splits what is really one gift into five to make it seem like more.
The gift is not a gift, it’s a weapon.
I, too, use gifts to my sister as weapons, either to awe her or defend myself against her.
Jesus didn’t use his death as a weapon against us; it was a free gift we couldn’t possibly to which we could not possibly return in kind.
It is that spirit of giving that I long to have but cannot find because I am split with fear.
Application: Buy my sister the pretty gift I already know she would like and pray for God’s love as I buy it and give it.
Lord, free me from my fear of gifts. Fill me with your spirit of giving without cost.
