Today's(16) passage is Job 13.
Job dismisses his friends as windbags spouting proverbs of ashes. He wants to speak to God himself and argue his case. He wants to know what the charges are against him and what his sins are. He wants to know what's so special about him that he's receiving this terrible attention. He wants God to stop dragging up the sins of his youth and hounding him with terror.
Job's courage amazes me. His self-esteem is towering.
He is so absolutely sure that he has done nothing wrong and in no way merits his circumstances, which he is certain God has caused.
He wants to talk to God face to face about his circumstances, convinced they are unjust.
The man wants to argue with God! Wow!
I once wanted to argue with God, too.
Unlike Job, though, I did not have such high self-esteem.
My contention was that God was dragging me through pointless suffering and hardship. I could not see any purpose in it.
It was suffering for the point of suffering.
Since I wasn't getting anything out of it except pain, I figured God must be gettng something.
So I demanded to know what it was.
I demanded justication for the situation. I wanted some answers.
I was so blind that I couldn't see God had already answered me.
And he'd already appeared to me--on the cross.
The issue was my salvation.
But I was looking for a woman, a family, a job, a house, and annual vacations to Disneyland.
I was looking for love, admiration and a six figure income.
I couldn't see past the crap in my life to what was important because I thought that what I deemed important was the same as what God thought was important.
God took it all away and I didn't get it, I didn't understand.
That meant I didn't understand the cross where Jesus let the earthly powers take it all away from him--family, friends, ministry, clothes, nice body, life.
I was lost in my small moment of pain and couldn't see my big picture of salvation.
Now I'm in the hospital with no clear release date because I lost sight of the bigger picture of salvation.
I thought my job was about creating a set of clear, coherent, focused programs that would help students learn the 4 Cs(critical thinking, communication, collaboration and creativity)
My real job was to help build people, which I'd made a pretty good start at.
But I let the 4 Cs get in the way.
My power could direct the 4 Cs but only God's power could build people.
I turned away from God's agenda to the world's agenda, making it mine, and broke my stubborn knee.
The 4 Cs have to be done because the government says so.
But the way to get there is through building people who will go way beyond those mandated 4 Cs.
Once they do, they just may find Jesus waiting. My job is getting them to see who they are and who they need to be so that the 4Cs shrink to their proper size.
Lord, forgive my stubborn knee that wouldn't bend to you. Thank you for breaking it. Inspire me, Lord, with your agenda and your path. Guide me so I can guide those you have put in my charge. Take not your Holy Spirit from me. Let me not lose sight of the big picture.
