Today's passage is Job 9: 25-35.
Job talks of how fast the days go. He thinks he might change his attitude to his circumstances but then he says it won't work because he dreads his suffering. He resents being found guilty but because God is God and not a man, Job can't talk to him out of fear. There's no one to arbitrate for him.
It's the idea of being found guilty without a trial that irritates Job because he thinks he's innocent.
He says that even if he washed himself, God would drop him into a slime pit and make him so stinking filthy that his clothes would reject him.
Job has made God the culprit, the guilty one.
I remember feeling this way too when I lost my job and what I hoped would be my future family of happiness.
I just didn't understand what had gone wrong in my life.
Like Job I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything seriously wrong.
Because I couldn't see myself with any objectivity at all, I was therefore innocent.
And, like Job, I wondered what kind of God was punishing me, the innocent one.
Why did I deserve this?
Where was my court where I could defend myself of the mysterious charges that merited such punishment?
Although it took many years, I eventually reached the point of repentance and that changed things.
Because I wasn't guilty in my own mind, the thought of repentance never entered my thoughts.
Right now I'm in the hospital for a week wondering why I'm here.
What, exactly, is it I need to face or understand?
Since I can't stand on one leg because my knee is broken, does that mean I need to stand with God's legs? And what does that mean?
Does my predicament mean I need to repent?
Since I no longer question God about his actions in my life no matter how incomprehensible events seem to be, I'm left with repenting my sins and the sins of others.
In today's passage, Job so obviously needs to humble himself and repent.
How does his situation interpret me?
What step have I failed to take in my ongoing salvation?
What hole have I stepped in that has brought me down?
What wrong direction was I going that needed to be halted?
What do I need to repent?
Have I tried to take too much on myself at my school, tried to be more than God's intention for me?
Have I long been an invalid with a wrong attitude?
All I can see from today's passage with my poor eyes is the need for repentance.
So that's what I'll do.
Lord, forgive me my many lapses of faith and my ongoing blindness to what I should be paying attention. I stepped in a hole that could have been avoided if I had been more humble and more diligent in seeking your will. Open my mind in the coming days to see what I need to repent. Guide my repentance to cover my family, my school and Korea.
