Today's passage is Ps.38.
David feels overwhelmed by his situation. When he looks inside himself, he sees only sin and a burden of guilt. When he looks outside himself, he sees enemies setting traps and gaining victory over him.
His friends avoid him. His health is bad, he's full of aches and pains. He feels like a deaf mute, unable to hear anything good or voice an adequate reply to anything or anyone. He sees it all as God's punishment of his sin.
But he confesses his sin, he waits for God, believing the Lord will answer and save him.
During my five year long dark night of the soul when I felt like David, I don't remember reading this psalm. I know I did because I ransacked the Bible for understanding and hope, but I don't remember reading this.
The reason I don't remember is plain to me now.
Unlike David, I had no sense of sin. I felt self-righteous.
I felt I was the victim of others and of circumstances.
All I was trying to do was get a little happiness in my life when suddenly everything shrunk to a small room of loss, pain and emptiness.
Unlike David, I was blind to my role in my suffering. I had no burden of guilt. I had lots of longings and sighings. But because I had no sense of wrongding in my circumstance of suffering, I did not feel I was being disciplined.
I was just being beat up.
Unlike David, I was waiting for God to give me what I felt I deserved.
I was looking for my version of salvation, not God's.
With such an attitude, no wonder God did not seem to be there!
Many years ago this psalm had no meaning for me.
That's why I couldn't remember it. Now it has more meaning than I could wish!
My sins are every day before me. Verses 5-8 describe me.
Verse 18 describes me: "I am troubled by my sin".
But like David, I can now say, "I wait for you, Lord; you will answer, O Lord my God."
Now I have hope because now I see that I am the one at fault, I am the sinner and I am the one in salvation training.
Keep my eyes open to my faults this day, Lord.
Let me not despise others or my circumstances.
Let me accept my situation as the training you have chosen to give me and keep me mindful of my failings and my dependence on you. I pray you work some good through me this day that I may see your glory.
