Today's passage is Matthew 29:57-68.
#65279;Peter followed Jesus and his arresters to Caiaphas's courtyard. The Sanhedrin interrogated Jesus but he remained silent until Caiaphas asked him if he was the Messiah. When Jesus said he was, the Sanhedrin said he should die. They spit on Jesus, hit him and mocked him.
There is a certain irony to the Sanhedrin saying of Jesus, "He is worthy of death" because he is not worthy of death in humanistic terms since he had committed no crime but redemptively he is the only one worthy of death because he's the only truly perfect, innocent man able to pay the price demanded by sin.
Because Jesus is not the Messiah they want, the Sanhedrin erupt in anger and debasing abuse. Because they've seen Jesus' undisputed power and authority over the last three years and been challenged by it, they need to reduce Jesus to something less than a man and no threat to them.
All this Peter watches. From being a follower of Jesus, someone who believes in everything Jesus taught and stands for, Peter becomes merely a physical follower, a stray dog trailing an angry crowd villifying Jesus.
And me, where am I in this?
Am I limp follower of the Lord, hanging around the church, waiting to see what's going to happen, a spectator wondering if some miracle will occur, an incident of undeniable power?
What do I want? What do I expect of my God?
As soon as those questions come out of my mouth, I know I have betrayed my Lord. Once again my humanistic thought and my pride have made me the judge of my God. Prove you are God, say the Sanhedrin.
And when I ask for the special job, the beautiful wife, the amazing children, I'm doing exactly the same thing. If you can do this, I say, then I will believe in you!
Who made me the god of God, demanding proofs?
I remember how angry I was when God called me to faith, to profess him as my Lord and Savior.
I wanted to punch him too, just like the Sanhedrin.
Why? Because I did not want to acknowledge my subservience to God, my humility, my position as a doer of his will.
I wanted to continue in my delusion of being capable of making good decisions in my life, of choosing my own purpose, my own destiny.
I did not want to be a lackey of God.
Like the Sanhedrin, I had no idea that only by accepting God for who he said he was and by trying to know and do his will did I stand a chance of peace of mind, of fruitful labor, of receiving love.
Accepting God's call changed my life.
My biggest struggle continues to be with myself and my pride and my demands on the Lord. Today's passage reminds me of that.
Lord, let me follow you truly, with my heart and my soul and my mind and my strength. Let me not presume to judge and question you. Let me desire to know and do your will in my life.
Let me talk to the teachers I need to share my story with this week.
