Today's passage is Matthew 26:36-46.
Jesus goes to Gethsemane to pray. He asks Peter, James and John to go further in with him. He falls on his face and asks God to change his mind about the crucfixion but promises obedience if that is not his will.
The three disciples fall asleep. Jesus berates them and warns Peter not to fall into temptation. He goes a little ways off and prays the same prayer. When he comes back the disciples are sleeping again. He doesn't wake them, goes off to pray one more time, returns and wake them, saying it is the moment of betrayal.
When I read this passage, I wondered how Matthew knew that Jesus didn't wake Peter, James and John the second time.
It means that he and at least one other disciple must have been watching from where Jesus first asked the whole group to wait.
Judas didn't fall asleep either. He was alert, focused on his moment of betryal.
He was ready.
Only Jesus and Judas were ready because they were purpose driven.
Judas was most likely nervous.
We know Jesus was so sad he felt almost dead and he did not want to go throught with his purpose but he was ready nonetheless.
So why did the special three disciples fall asleep?
They were the ones who'd seen the Transfiguration.
Couldn't they put it all together?
What a difference to Jesus their alert and heartfelt prayers would have meant!
But like the ten virgins they fell asleep. They forgot their purpose.
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation," Jesus tells Peter and me.
"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."
The disciples weren't lying on beds.
They were sitting on the ground or leaning against a rock or a tree.
But they fell asleep in an uncomfortable position just like me when I fall asleep on the subway or bus and I miss my stop.
My moment of purpose passes me by and I have to get off at the wrong place and go back.
I have to repent that I lost my purpose.
What is my purpose?
That's a huge question, which a great deal of the Bible is taken up with.
It's also the subject of Rick Warren's great book, "The Purpose Driven Life". Ultimately, it's to become Christ-like, a task too big for me but not for God.
At the heart of it all is service to others.
Everything in my life can be used to serve others, including my sins, my pains and my sufferings.
Pastor Kim Yang Jay is very clear about seeing our sins both past and present, repenting, and sharing them with others because the way God has saved us will also help to save others.
God is continually transforming us into his likeness, which will take our whole lives because I, for one, keep falling asleep.
Part of my purpose is to share my story and God's work in me through my largely self-created sufferings. It helps those who hear it in small groups. It also helps the individual teachers I share with at my school.
Humility is the key, not the arrogant attitude of telling someone that I'm here to save them.
Sharing my shame and God's forgiveness is what helps change others and bring God further into my school.
I have one troubled teacher who needs Christ-sharing but I have allowed his schedule and mine to get in the way.
There is another teacher who asked me how I ended up with a young daughter who lives with her mother.
I promised to tell him but I haven't yet. I fell asleep.
My recent bout of illness and its consequences and my meditation on the Scripture passages have woken me up. I have people to serve, not programs. I have my health to maintain for worship, for service and for my family.
Thank you, Lord, for the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, for waking me up again with illness and the love of my wife. Let me serve you more truly by humbly serving the teachers who need to hear the story of my screw-ups, of your forgiveness, of the ongoing struggles with the consequences of my past, and of the great joy that awaits us all through God's grace and mercy.
Keep me alert and focused on my purpose, Lord, by helping me talk to those teachers next week.
