Into the Bosom of the Father
(1 Kings 19: 9ampsim10)
Today we offer our worship service in commemoration of the 16th anniversary of Wooridle Church. Ive given my testimony at every anniversary worship service for the recovery of our families and the one person in charge of it. I hope that the one person will rise and come into the bosom of our Father God today. The theme of todays sermon is 'Why are you here?' After defeating Baals prophets, Elijah went into a cave, escaping from Jezebels threat. God asked him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?' I also used to confess 'Despite my zeal for God, I felt cornered. Looks like everyone wants me to die.' However, while I was depressed, lying in my cave, God touched me with His Word. Im the 4th generation of my Christian household. Yet God put in his crucible in order to make me recognize his hidden will for me. And God helped me return to him through the effective way of the Holy Spirit. May the same grace be on you! I hope you will enjoy the same peace in his bosom through my testimony.
1. Childhood
My first trial came from my mother, who failed to deliver a son. She devoted herself to her church and pastors in order to be blessed to have a son and even received a blessing name for her unborn son, Yang Jae Kim. According to the prescription of the surgical hospital, she made all the preparations for her son, including a blue sheet yet had to see me, her daughter. Unable to interpret her situation and foresee her daughter used by God in the future, she frantically consumed her energy in cleaning the toilets of her church and doing laundry for others without taking care of her children. At nine, I became an adult child thinking that I had no one around me, who would take care of me. My mother never told me to study hard and have a good married life. She only said that a woman of high education would a have hard life as Apostle Paul did. She was nobody in her church because she never showed off. In the meantime, I passed the entrance exam of Ehwa Girls Middle school. But my mother didnt attend the entrance ceremony. My parents insinuated to me that schooling is nothing my father through his personality and my mother through her religious devotion.
2. Teenage
After my family fell down financially, no one paid attention to me preparing for the university entrance exam. My parents used to say 'High school education is enough!' Poverty made me focus on entering a national university. I finally made it all by myself. However, my family fell further into ruin. I had no other choice but to take a part time job so that I could study and help support my family. I was too busy even to be sick let alone die. I finished my undergraduate degree by means of a scholarship No one knew how desperate my life was. Even though I had no time to have a date, I attended church without fail.
3. Married life
At the end of my undergraduate degree, when I needed to decide whether to take a full-time teaching job at Seoul Arts High School or not, I received a marriage proposal from a Christian doctor, whose father was a church elder, which led me to choose marriage. People told me that I was blessed because of my piano accompaniment in worship. Yet I didnt expect the tough life that was in store for me. At every opportunity, my mother-in-law scolded me for my poor laundry and cleaning. I was not allowed to watch TV or read a book or play the piano. I wondered what in the world I was doing there. I had enjoyed quite good schooldays and nice relationships with others until I was caught in the prison house of my family-in-law. Wiping the floor with a damp cloth was heavy work, which made me miserable. I didnt enjoy sitting in a pew of elders with my family. I was withering from having no one to talk to. I knew that I had to repent. But I didnt know what to repent of. When my old family fell down, I didnt blame anyone. I just worked harder. Like Elijah, I had my self-righteousness. As time went by, I faced my raw emotion. I realized that the Cinderella complex is evil. Trial was the blessing, which drove me to confront myself. But I couldnt step forward to repentance. No one knew that I was suffering as I played the role of a nice obedient daughter-in-law. I was a hypocrite. I had no one to talk with. This dumbness often drives us even to death. Thats why we need a community. At every opportunity, I thought of divorce. Nevertheless, I couldnt understand the Word, possessed by the nice appearance of my family-in-law. We increase spiritually as much as we decrease physically yet I didnt realize that Gods providence began to increase in the midst of my tough life.
4. The Time of Repentance.
Finally, the Word penetrated me even though wiping the floor was still tough for me. Changing my values was tougher than that. Five years had passed since I married. Yet I still tried to avoid the work, thinking it doesnt fit me. Nevertheless, God visited my cave, asking me 'What are you doing here?' It was not in a worship place but in my house while I was wiping the floor that God called me. I was thinking of my mother and her QT notes, which I had thrown away thoughtlessly along with her shabby appearance. I realized that man is evil even from his very cradle. Thinking of my mother, I faced my reality. Wiping the floor at the bottom of my life, I realized how precious my mothers faith was. Even my mother, whose sandals I am not worthy to untie, was ignored by people. How much more did I deserve to be ignored? Like the Pharisees who chased money, I chased my ambition. Thats why I studied, played the piano, and married. What had really motivated me was money. However, I pretended not to chase it, thinking that I was a nice obedient woman. After seeing the chauffeur whom my husband sent to me, I was attracted by his money. I brought everything upon myself. After understanding the Word, I repented of my sins. The Holy Spirit was with me. I realized the hidden will of God for me. And found something detestable in me, which prevented me from living like my mother. God called on me not because I was holistic but because I knew that I was not holistic. God just called me holy. I hope that my testimony would help many souls not to divorce or commit suicide. Compared to work, keeping our family calls for ten million times of our effort. Thus our home is worth keeping. Thats why we need to have a Christian marriage. For this purpose, we need to teach our children how to do their QT. Instead of forcing them to attend worship, we need to be a more comfortable counselor for them to discuss their life with. Thats the best way not to expose them to Satans attack. After my repentance, God constantly changed me transcending time and space. God hit the nail on the head when asking me 'What are you doing here?' After the Word came to me, God made me walk all the way, helping me speak out all the bitterness that I had. This is the seven thousand heavenly people that God reserved for me!
When he got there, he crawled into a cave and went to sleep. Then the word of God came to him: 'So Elijah, what are you doing here?' (1 Kgs. 19:9)
