Im Young Jae Lee, a much-loved pastor in our church for five years who is moving to Manchester, England. Today we hear the story of David, the hero of the Philistines, who is lost in the wilderness, and the Bible relentlessly pursues him and enumerates his black history one by one. I hope you have the precious grace of meeting God, who has something to say to us who are lost in the wilderness.
First, we should encounter Jesus, the Bread of Life.
Saul is about to stick a sword in David and throw a spear at him. David is in tears because he is so wronged and betrayed, and he has lost everything precious in his life. He has lost his position as king, his wife Michal, and his lifelong friend Jonathan. Now a fugitive, David was hungry, and he fled to Nob, where the priests were staying. When Ahimelech the priest asks him why he has come alone, David lies and says he has come at the kings command. When David begs, Ahimelech gives him bread that only the priests can eat, which would break the law, but God feeds him. The fulfillment of the law is love, and love goes beyond the law, so God focuses on Davids hunger rather than his mistake. The Bread of Life here is Jesus, and even though we stumble and fall in the wilderness and everyone is pointing fingers and mocking us, Jesus comes to our place of failure and says, 'I am innocent.
Twelve years ago, I went to Northern Ireland to prepare for missionary service, and I ended up serving in a Korean church in UK. The immigrant church was in a constant state of conflict, and my wife got caught up in the conflict, and I began to condemn and disrespect her, and our marriage began to fall apart. But I never shared my anger, frustration, helplessness, and depression with the community. I thought people would laugh at me if I broke down in the wilderness, I thought God wouldnt look at me, and I would cover up my wilderness and go to church looking like I hadnt fallen, like I was fine. What wilderness are you in right now? Jesus, who comes to us as the Bread of Life even when we fall in the wilderness, says, 'Even if the world mocks you, I dont condemn you. What is needed in the wilderness is love, not to get up and walk properly, but to confess the wilderness as it is, and through that confession, to meet Jesus, the Bread of Life.
Second, I should kill the Saul in me.
David has overcome his hunger by the grace of the sling, but when his fear does not end, he seeks another way: he lies and asks for a spear and a sword. When the priest says he has a sword, he asks for it, and it turns out to be Goliaths sword. David, who by Gods grace overcame the Philistines with a sling, forgets that grace and becomes afraid, so he asks for the Philistines sword to escape the wilderness.
I, too, was lost in the Korean immigrant church and found myself looking for a sword and a spear, and I didnt think of a mortar stone, and when I found out who my Saul was, I realized that I was in this miserable wilderness because of my wife. The more painful and miserable the wilderness was, the more my spear and sword were pointed at my wife, and I wanted to use my sword and spear to get out of the wilderness. But when I came to Wooridle church and was nurtured, I realized that I hadnt thought of picking up a spear against my wickedness and indecency. I came to see King Saul in me, and I want you to lay down your sword and spear. The wilderness is not a place to pick up a sword, but a place to slay the Saul in you with the sword of the Word.
Third, we luckily encounter community.
David was running away from Saul because he was afraid of him, but then he met Sauls servant. When we are so frightened that we run like crazy, we usually make mistakes. The gate is Philistine and its Goliaths land. Youre walking into Philistine with a sword. When Goliaths men tell David that hes the one who sings the song 'Ten Thousand, Ten Thousand', David becomes deeply afraid, and to save his life, he drools and feigns insanity. The end of the wilderness is his own breakdown. David, who had been unshakable in the face of Goliath and Saul, breaks down in the face of the wilderness. He leaves and goes to the den of Adullam, where he encounters lives of debt, tribulation, and resentment that seem to have ended just like his own. How comforting could this have been for David? He meets the community of Adullam, and he finds hope for his life. Thats why the wilderness is a blessing.
After my time in the wilderness, I experienced my own breakdown and came to the Adulam community, Wooridle Church, where I was nurtured, and I shared most of my struggles, dedication, and patience in my wilderness, the immigrant church, and I was surprised to hear the pastor said once, The church must have suffered a lot for you.
For the first time, I began to question my zeal, character, and dedication, and I saw the Saul-like ambition behind my dedication, and I gradually recognized it. I began to remember the members of the immigrant church, and I felt so sorry for them, thinking that I didnt labor for the church, but the church labor for me. I hope that a precious community of tribulated, indebted, and resentful people will be established in Manchester, England, just like our church.
The world condemns those who fall in the wilderness, but God comes to us with the Bread of Life. We want to get out of the wilderness with the sword of Goliath, but God says its time to kill the Saul in me with the sword of the Word. In the wilderness, in those times when I break down and think its the end, God brings us into contact with the community of Adullam and calls us to a place of mission.
May the words of David in Psalm 23 be our confession as we go through this difficult time, 'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
