The story of Jehoiachinamprsquos release from prison in Babylon after 37 years in the inaugural reign of Awel-Marduk resonated with me. So did the application questions for the third point of the sermon, which discussed Jehoiachinamprsquos story: Where am I now in that period? What do I have to wait for? Do I have the words to interpret my situation?
It was exactly 37 years ago that I left university with a failed PhD. Because I had passed all the course work, language requirements, and doctoral exams, merely having my dissertation rejected was not called a failure, but it certainly felt like it. I donamprsquot know what else to call it. Itamprsquos like building a three story house but with the third story a shambles and no roof.
My purpose for a doctorate was to land me a university teaching job and write childrenamprsquos stories, not to mention earning enough money to take my young family out of the years of poverty I had put them through while I studied. So, instead of giving me the promised land I had envisioned, God allowed the collapse of my Jerusalem and sent me into what I considered 37 years of captivity. Right now I am writing a new dissertation for the completion of my degree, a completion date originally scheduled for the ampldquo27th day of the 12th monthamprdquo (verse 27), of this year. That date has been moved due to complications brought on by the covid-19 pandemic, but the timing is close enough to make me sit up and take notice because thatamprsquos the date of Jehoiachinamprsquos recovery by Godamprsquos grace.
How do I interpret the timing of Godamprsquos word to me in my present circumstances?
Let me first briefly summarize my time of captivity, which I resented and didnamprsquot understand because, although I believed in God and had had a profound conversion experience a year before starting my doctoral studies, I did not have any training in interpreting my life through Godamprsquos word, which is the strong suit of Wooridle Church. God redirected me to high school teaching in international schools, a career I came to enjoy but did not choose, did not want, and did not discipline myself to truly serve my students and my bosses.
My eye was always elsewhere. At the same time, like Gedaliah, I did not discern the alcoholism of my wife and ignored the advice of the few Johanans who tried to warn me. My sin of adultery just before she died of her alcoholism led to the birth of a child outside of marriage and to my dismissal from an American school which sent me back to Canada to replace professors on sabbaticals after which I lived in the YMCA for a year of unemployment and little money because I lost my pension in a financial collapse.
My hope diminished there with my weight. By that time my children from my first marriage, whom I raised in the church, had grown, had jobs, but had stopped going to church. I came to Korea as an English language teacher, then to India to an international school, then back to Korea to marry my present wife and join Wooridle Church and, a few years later, become the principal of a small international school in Seoul. In the interim, I published a childrenamprsquos novel and wrote many childrenamprsquos stories.
Like Jehoiachin, I fell into captivity because of pride, self-righteousness, and the ongoing failure to seek Godamprsquos will in my life, a faithless turning away from his word as guidance. But I believed I had assurance of salvation, could judge others, and was ripe for a lot of blessings.
The time of captivity felt like a prison because I refused to conform to Godamprsquos word and will.
Were there not happy moments in my 37 years?
Of course there were, but without actively seeking Godamprsquos will every day through his word, there was no sense of purpose, plan, or meaning in my life. I was stuck in a prison of my own doing because I insisted that the world should conform to my will and my desire which were devoid of a serious spiritual element. Without realizing it, I had become a figure in a tale of disaster, lurching from one crisis to the next.
My story belonged in an eighteenth century book of stories to warn people about what would happen if you made bad choices because you were undisciplined and chased your own satisfaction.
Where am I in that 37 year period?
In the narrow sense Iamprsquom near the end because my dissertation will be finished within a year. In the larger sense, though, Iamprsquom still in it because Iamprsquom waiting on Godamprsquos grace for my release from the prison of my self-determined direction in life and my grumpiness over where I am and what Iamprsquom doing. I am not sitting on a throne of sermon and QT application, delighting in my repentance and grateful for Godamprsquos guidance in my life because life is hard, especially at work amid covid-19 restrictions and the struggles of administering online education with technical and personnel problems.
I have the words to interpret my situationampmdashGodamprsquos words in the sermon and daily QT passagesampmdashbut too often I would rather have an easy solution because Iamprsquom undisciplined.
What do I have to wait for? I have to wait for an Awel-Marduk to let me out of prison and that is entirely in Godamprsquos hands and according to his timing.
I recognize this as a training in patience, a virtue I am not known for, and so my prayer is for Jehoiachin endurance, for faithful waiting. Amen.
