Psalm 91. Under his wings you will find refuge.
I am taking graduate courses while working full-time as a school principal. My circumstances are not special, except perhaps for my age, because there are others doing the same thing and we all struggle with trying to fit our double load of work into too little time to do it.
Yesterday I discovered I had missed the registration date because I had misunderstood the emails sent to me by the university. I
needed to register for the course because itamprsquos the last one I am required to take in order to sit for my doctoral exams and then get on with the research and writing of my dissertation on C.S. Lewis. Everything at my university, except for the classes, seems to be done online.
Sometimes this is good and sometimes itamprsquos not because there are rarely adequate instructions accompanying required actions.
Since beginning my graduate work, which I have no doubt was God directed, Iamprsquove been continually tripped up by administrative issues at the university that threaten to derail me in my program. They are like the ampldquofowleramprsquos snareamprdquo (v. 3) in todayamprsquos psalm.
Missing registration was like the ampldquoarrow that flies by dayamprdquo (v. 5). I felt killed in my efforts to continue with the program because if I couldnamprsquot register for the semester, then my program would be delayed by almost six months, which simply canamprsquot happen because my job is dependent on my finishing the degree eighteen months from now.
Here was more ampldquopestilence that stalks in the darknessamprdquo (v. 6) of my ignorance on how to manage not just my time and energy but how my university system works, which seems contrary to those of universities Iamprsquom familiar with.
Part of the problem is the ampldquoplagueamprdquo of my complaints and frustrations adding to my stress. I wanted everything to go smoothly and simply because I didnamprsquot have time to deal with problems. I had enough of those at work.
What I had done was once again lose sight of my shelter and refuge in the Lord. I already knew I couldnamprsquot manage on my own but I was undermining myself by not praying daily for help. My focus was mostly on my school work, not my university work.
I had slipped into the laziness that accompanies complaint. I wanted someone to hold my hand and walk me through all the administrative requirements so that I could just focus on the classes, exams, and research.
I was behaving like the worst of my complaining teachers, who wanted me to make all their decisions and remind them of dates and deadlines that are well published.
So I repented. Lord, I said, missing registration is all my fault. Iamprsquom not focusing on the simplest and most basic requirements for following your will, which is to finish my degree. Forgive me. Inspire me, dear Lord, with what to do.
Two names floated into my head, a fellow student from a year ago and a favorite professor. I emailed them, explained my situation and asked for guidance. It turned out that there is a second registration period next week and that I should email the professor whose course I needed to take and let him know that I would be in his class even though I wouldnamprsquot be on the class list due to my failure to register on time. Simple.
I followed through and felt my stress fall away. Not only that, I felt calm and warm, the way you do when you wrap yourself in a feather duvet on a chilly night. The psalmist calls it being covered with Godamprsquos feathers (v.4), which I thought sounded silly till it happened.
Application: Confess my lazy complaining, repent, seek Godamprsquos faithfulness to me, and seek rational help from people I know in the university.
Lord, forgive me for blaming you for my troubles in following your will. Thank you for being my refuge and my fortress and protecting me from the pestilence of my sin.
