1/1 Matthew 1:1-17. My Genealogy.
In reading todayamprsquos passage, I wondered about the stories of many of the names I donamprsquot recognize. Was Boazamprsquos father one of Joshuaamprsquos spies to Jericho? Was that how he met Rahab? Who is Ahaz? And Zadok?
Not knowing those people reminded me that I donamprsquot know the genealogy of my own family beyond my grandparents. I knew one great grandmother as a small and frail woman who made wonderful pies but no one else that far back. I donamprsquot even have memories of my parents talking of their grandparents. Nothing is written.
My Polish grandmother was a devout little woman who prayed a lot and had a crucifix in every room. I remember that once when I asked her for directions to my uncleamprsquos sawmill, she laughed, said I was a big boy, and to find it myself. I was with friends at the time on our way across Canada and her words became our touchstone. Find it yourself we would tell each other all the way to the Arctic.
She was right in a way I didnamprsquot understand as a twenty year old. I thought I had to find and do things myself without help, and most of what I did was sinful self-praising when I succeeded at something and blaming others when I didnamprsquot. It took me ten years to get her point, which I began to learn when God found me. Actually, he knew where I was all the time. It was me that didnamprsquot. I didnamprsquot know where I was and didnamprsquot realize it until he called me to a stubbornly resisted faith.
Since then I have been humanistically finding it myself by not listening to God, getting in trouble, and seeing--once again!--that through my hardship and suffering I found God helping me, trying to direct me.
Finding it myself means listening to God in the first place, not taking my own path and getting lost. I stupidly make life hard for myself by thinking Iamprsquom smart enough to find it myself in a worldly way. Truly finding it myself means going straight to God. Heamprsquos the one who knows the way because he is the way. Iamprsquom never lost when I go to God through prayer, worship, meditation on the Word, and mokjang. Thatamprsquos what Grandma meant and thatamprsquos how my genealogy has guided me to the Lord.
Application: remind all my family of Godamprsquos grace in their lives in this new year.
Lord, stir up my faith to seek you in all the details of my life, however trivial they seem. Use your hands to squeeze the knowledge of my sins out of me to share with others, confessing my waywardness and your glory.
1/3 Matthew 2: 1-12. King of Myself.
When I first read todayamprsquos passage, I wondered what or who my king is--worldly status as a writer, teacher or academic? Respected husband and father? The questions revealed to me that I am my secret king. I pay reverence to my Lord, Jesus Christ, who paid the price of my sins to let me go free to heaven and to free me of so many spiritual burdens of my sinful life. I trust God the Father to provide for me, and I look to the Holy Spirit to enlighten me and guide me in my meditations. But King? I was surprised and disappointed to realize that I have continually reserved that role for myself.
Since my wife confessed and repented of her sin of desiring a divorce at my motheramprsquos funeral in November, I have been reflecting on why I might be so ampldquoimpossible to live withamprdquo, as she said. Many people over the years have complimented me on aspects of my personality, some even saying I was a good guy. I didnamprsquot accept myself as a good guy because Iamprsquove long been aware of many of my sins. I did, however, accept the compliments of my character and personality. How I managed to reconcile my sinfulness with my good character will be part of my ongoing efforts to see myself with more objectivity.
In todayamprsquos passage the gentile Magi announce to Herod and the Jewish chief priests and teachers that the King of the Jews has been born. Foreigners have to tell the Jews what they shouldamprsquove been aware of but couldnamprsquot see because they were looking in the wrong direction. Despite being the people chosen to reveal God to the world, the true king of kings, king of the world and all thatamprsquos been created, they want another version of King Saul. Iamprsquom just like them.
Herod is worried because he will be supplanted by the prophesied king. Thatamprsquos me. Before Jesus saved me, I was king of myself. After he saved me--praise God--I was still king of myself. I had a saviour in Jesus and a Lord but not a king. I quibbled with the hair-splitting difference between the words Lord and King. I was and am happy about being saved. I still struggle with being the servant and subject of God the King.
I find myself behaving like the brother of the prodigal son. I struggle with seeing myself as self-righteous. Even though I outwardly devote a lot of my time, money, and effort to serving God, I harbour many moments of resentment because I still feel that somehow my life, despite being ransomed by God, still belongs to me and has not been ransomed for the purpose of full service to him. I want to be Godamprsquos foster son, not his servant or steward.
The Magi went to Bethlehem following the star and when it stopped where Jesus was ampldquothey were overjoyedamprdquo (10). They had found the king. I too have found the king but Iamprsquom not overjoyed. That is my sin. I am deeply flawed in my attitude towards my relationship with God, and I need changing. I need a deeper repentance for a deeper redemption.
Application: This night I will start referring to Jesus as my king in my prayers and call out to him in my desperate repentance.
Lord have mercy. Change my attitude, I pray. Make me into a joyful servant, not a grumbling, resentful one. Give me the Magiamprsquos joy at finding Jesus the King.
