1John 2:1-11. Love and Hate.
One of our small group members is a drunken cripple who seems to have no respect for God or man. He has been in our mokjang for over two years and shared almost nothing of his life or suffering. He is an alcoholic who does not admit his addiction. He has ruined his knees and ankles over the years through martial arts and excessive exercise. Because of his drinking, the operations and procedures done to his legs either do not heal or take far longer than normal.
He arrogantly thinks he knows more about history, world events, world religions, and the Bible than anyone. He doesnamprsquot read books but spends his time searching the internet to support his paranoiac views of reality. Because of his alcoholism and his inability to move competently, he has no job. He once worked in an academy as an English teacher but left because of his drinking. Heamprsquos dependent on his wife.
From the moment I saw him, I didnamprsquot like him. He hadnamprsquot even opened his mouth before I had judged him as a pompous, arrogant, know-it-all. He reminded me of so many insecure students like him that Iamprsquove had to deal with over the years. I also saw that God had sent him to train me and my attitude, which made me further distance myself. What I dislike in him is something similar in me that I need to admit and repent of: being a negative, arrogant, know-it-all.
I think he comes to our church and mokjang because of his wife, but Iamprsquom not sure. His regular attendance astounds me. Heamprsquos been more regular in mokjang than anyone except me. Heamprsquos never complained about wanting a holiday from the mokjang, as others have. Although he hardly ever shares a thing and never admits to a single sin, heamprsquos a core member of our small group.
As long as I hate this man, I am not living in Godamprsquos light. This is how I know I am not in Jesus Christ because I am not keeping his commands (3-6).
My wife rightly accuses me of never seeing this manamprsquos side of things, only my own. She says I have shown no empathy, just as I didnamprsquot show any empathy for my alcoholic first wife and didnamprsquot try to look at things from her point of view, which is my huge failure of love.
I believe God loves me because I believe that Jesus died on the cross as atonement for my sins (2). He is my ampldquoadvocate with the Fatheramprdquo (1). Jesus is also the atoning sacrifice ampldquofor the sins of the whole worldamprdquo (2), including this drunken small group member. God loves him too and is waiting patiently for him to open the door of his heart. I donamprsquot have Godamprsquos patience, and Iamprsquom being as negative as I criticize this man for being.
I believe God loves me because he made me and keeps me alive in hope that I will return his love, which I do. Jesus said, ampldquoLove the Lord your God with all my heart and with all your soul and with all your mind ... and Love your neighbour as yourselfamprdquo (Matt 22:37-39). By failing to love this problem member of our small group, I have failed to Love God and glorify him. These are serious sins I must redress, which I cannot do it on my own strength, however, because Iamprsquove tried for over two years and failed. I need God to change me so that I can. To open the way for God into my negative and judgemental mind, I first must admit that I am worse than my problem small group member because I should know better and repent.
Application: Go visit my alcoholic mogwon and pray for him because he seriously injured his back and hasnamprsquot been able to leave his place for two weeks.
Lord, give me your patience and unjudging acceptance of a man you love and I have no right to hate. Take me out of the darkness and let me walk in your light.
