Today’s passage is Numbers 35:1-21. The Lord instructs Moses to tell the Israelites to give 48 towns to the Levites, six of which are to be towns of refuge, three east of the Jordan and three in Canaan. The Levites are to be given pasture land around their towns to a specified distance. If someone kills someone else accidentally, he can run to a city of refuge and await trial. If someone murders someone else, the murderer is to be put to death. A blood relative is to avenge the murder.
Who Do I Kill?
I used to think I wasn’t as bad as a murderer because I never killed anyone. I have killed animals, birds, and bugs, but not people. I came to regret killing the birds and the animals because there was no good reason to kill them. The birds especially I regretted because I doomed the babies to death too since I killed their parents who fed them.
My conscience still troubles me about the birds that I and a friend killed with his new air gun when we were in middle school. We wanted a target and we thoughtlessly used the birds as targets. We were in a swamp and there were lots of birds. My friend’s mother gave us a severe tongue lashing the next day because she was kept awake all night by the baby birds chirping for their parents. We could only hang our heads in shame.
She took my friend’s air gun and locked it up.
I have killed people in my imagination, however, not just imaginary people in imaginary scenes where I was the hero killing many bad guys. I killed people I hated in my imagination. I still do! And when I hear others say, “I’d like to kill that guy!” I wonder how many times I’ve said that.
Jesus said that when you think of sex with someone other than your spouse, you are committing adultery. He didn’t say that about murder, but the application is the same. Thinking about killing someone is the same as killing him.
When I was in middle school, I befriended a new boy to the neighbourhood at my father’s request because my father worked with the new boy’s father. I became his friend and I introduced him to others at school. The boy and I had nothing in common and I didn’t really like him. He was anxious to be friends with the in-crowd at school, who didn’t like me nor I them. I was an athlete, read books and liked wandering in the woods.
They were only interested in themselves, dating each other, gossiping and bullying others. My friend betrayed me in order to join the in-crowd. I hated him and wanted to kill him. I didn’t have compassion on him and his low self-esteem because my self-esteem was very high. I was a success in my domain and he was a success nowhere. The next year he died in a car accident and I was glad, which showed my lack of empathy and compassion on him.
In my imagination I have never killed anyone accidentally (11), only intentionally with many weapons (16-21). I need a city of refuge, I need Jesus’ blood to clean me of the blood I have spilled in my mind.
Application: mourn for the friend who betrayed me because my desire to kill him was far worse than his betrayal of me.
Lord, let me not be a killer anymore. Inspire me with empathy and compassion for others, always remembering that they too are your creatures and beloved of you and that they need forgiveness no less than I.
