Today’s passage is Romans 8:31-39. God shows his favor towards us through the gift of his son Jesus who died and rose again and intercedes with God on our behalf. Through Jesus we die to our old selves every day. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Jesus.
1(32) How do you spare yourself from loving others?
2(34) Who condemns you? Are they right?
3(38) What have you allowed to separate yourself from God?
I recently received a letter from the mother of my daughter Tess.
Tess wants to visit me this summer. Her mother, Mallory, is not keen on it because of my behavior during Tess’s stay for a couple of months last year.
When Tess came to stay with me and my wife, I was happy at the idea.
The reality of learning who my daughter was, however, made me harsh and judgmental.
I chose that attitude instead of choosing acceptance and love.
Despite knowing that I can’t change anyone except myself and despite seeing some good changes in me over my years at Wooridle, I failed utterly with my daughter.
I allowed my expectations of her to lead to disappointment in her and, ultimately, to dislike.
The teachers in my school liked her and admired her but I, her father, didn’t.
I didn’t because I did not accept her on her terms. I insisted, without directly stating them, that she had to accept mine.
Once again, as I had with my children from my first wife, I failed to simply love her. That is my great sin.
My daughter loved everything about her stay--my wife, Korea, the church, the school, the food, the sites, the Korean language, being with her father.
But my negative attitude towards her made her feel unwanted.
During Tess’s stay, my wife did everything in her power to get me to change.
But I didn’t.
She condemned me for my lack of fatherly love.
After Tess left, my wife continued to condemn me, forcing me to look at myself and what I’d done to my daughter, who was lonely before she arrived because she’s a child born outside of marriage and raised by a mother with many unresolved problems of relationship.
Tess needed the comfort of her father’s love.
I gave her judgment and condemnation.
When Tess said she wanted to come for another visit, I was grateful and worried, grateful that she hadn’t condemned me but worried that I would fail to accept and love her again.
Could I simply enjoy my daughter and who she is?
Because Tess really wants to come again, her mother had no real choice but to accept it.
She wrote a long letter of conditions about the visit, all of them a variation of rightfully condemning me for the problems of the last visit.
My reply was an acknowledgement of my fault and my sin.
We are still negotiating the upcoming visit.
During Tess’s visit, I separated myself from God’s love by being a judging, unloving father.
I have received much rightful condemnation for that.
I have also reflected on my sin and sought forgiveness.
I have prayed a lot over this.
Today’s passage shows me that, since nothing can truly separate me from God’s love, then nothing should separate me from my love for my daughter because I have died to my sin and risen again through baptism to the love of Christ Jesus.
My role is to love her as her father with Jesus’ love not judge her as I judge myself, seeing in her my own failings.
Application: call Tess and sincerely wish her Godspeed to my arms.
Lord, inspire me with your Holy Spirit to love those around me with your gentle acceptance and hope. Instill in me the utter confidence that nothing can separate me from your love for me
